So far I have been to over 5 stores to find maternity clothes that do not make me look like, a) a total ho or b) a big fat Mary Kate Olsen wanna-be. I am going to name names and dish the dirt and here it is:
Old Navy (Liberty Tree Mall): Pregnant friends tell me that they have a great maternity section, but the store I go to seems to only carry clothes to fit tiny waisted teenage girls.
The Gap (North Shore Mall): For some reason the Gap gives me hives every time I go in a store. It could be the obnoxious in-store marketing. I don't care how Kelly Rowland gets inspired by how her chemically aged boot cut jeans remind her of her favorite song or whatever, I refuse to pay more than $9.00 for a cotton t-shirt made in Guatemala. Besides that, their maternity section consists of a couple of cotton blouses, a khaki A-line skirt (YAWN) and the usual maternity jeans.
Bob's Stores (Route One Saugus): There's a big sign hanging in the middle of the women's section saying MATERNITY, but if they mean that one circle rack stuffed with XXL pepto-bismol pink and day-glo green t-shirts and XXL sweatpants, they should hire a new buyer. Extra boos for putting the rack in the middle of the "Euphemistic Term for Big Chubby Girls" section so you can't tell if the clothes are really meant to be for pregnant women in the first place.
H&M Clothing (Downtown Crossing): On the plus side, they have a good sized section that says "Maternity" and the clothes have labels that say H&M Mama, but there's usually only two colors of a style, actually no colors since the choices are white and black, and there's about 20 variations on the t-shirt, but only about two or three styles of pants. Note to H&M, most pregnant women get by with buying knit shirts the next size up. It's the pants that are the big thing. Make more pants.
On the negative side, the sizes tend to run pretty big, from Large on up. Also, there are a couple of dress designs but they are in black and cut low in the neck. I don't need to flash everyone my breasts. I'm already pregnant.
Kohls Department Store (Liberty Tree Mall): Usually this store fails to disappoint. It's like Target, good range of stuff, low prices, but with better lighting. That's why the maternity section surprised me. There were the usual big billowing t-shirts in XXL, but virtually no "office clothes". Everything I looked at(and I looked at everything since I was desperate by now), was either along the lines of a velour tracksuit in pink, white or black, or a lengthened tank top with "Oh Baby" emblazoned across the front in rhinestones. There was one half rack with black elastic waist polyester trousers. EVERY SINGLE PAIR WAS XL OR L! People, please, wake up, pregnant does not equal fat and tall. That is the "Euphemism" section. This is supposed to be the maternity section. Small girls get pregnant too.
I don't need to swath myself in yards of hot-pink velour and cute phrases that tell someone the obvious. I need three pairs of wool pants, black, grey and striped with the "basketball pouch" sewn in, 5 button down shirts with gathers to accommodate my enlarged abdomen and breasts, and some NON control top hose so I can breathe. Maybe a cardigan, nothing fancy.
Or, if Gwen Stefani decides to do a L.A.M.B. maternity line, some black stretch velvet flares and leopard print smocked t-shirts, whatever, I'm not picky, just trying to stay employed and clothed.
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