Things I wish I had known

I really tried to be a good mom-to-be and read the right books. But "What To Expect When You're Expecting" was pretty frustrating by the third month. Basically, my complaint was that the tone of the book was like the ultimate "gore-crow" type old relative that can't wait to mention the latest horror stories in the news whenever you talk to them. Apparently, every month I should have expected to experience vomiting, dizziness, constipation and bloating. Very fortunately, I experienced none of these so I felt kind of guilty.

There were things that I didn't expect and don't show up to often in books so here's the scoop on what to really expect for labor and delivery and postpartum:

1) You may be having contractions 5 minutes apart for hours and still be sent home after coming to the hospital if you are not dialated enough. Ambien is good for getting some sleep despite the pain. It can make you feel a little out of control of your body, but you need the rest for the next stage of labor.

2) Nurses will hook you up to several monitors and then spend 20 minutes asking you every question that you have already answered on your pre-admittance form that you filled out a month ago. Just go along, the question and answer thing is actually kind of relaxing.

3) Don't expect the doctor on call to remember anything from minute to minute, even if they've been treating you for 9 months. Doctors work 12 to 14 hour shifts on call and may be dealing with as many as 5 active labors at once.

4) Expect to be asked to sign important paperwork whilst in the midst of a Level 7 contraction. If at all possible, ask to have your labor coach/husband glance over what you are signing before you do. Most of the forms are strictly routine though. A friend told me that she signed something without reading it in the hospital and it turned out it was a waiver of her right to an at-home visit from a nurse!

5) Even if you've been asking for an epidural and actually get one, if you are so high you can't feel the second stage major contractions, the medical staff may turn off the feed so you will be motivated to push. Warning: don't ask if they did. Believe me, you don't want to know if they do.

6) Post delivery, do not watch the local news for about 5 days. Every single story involving babies in dumpsters, car wrecks, fires and general mayhem will make you cry uncontrollably.

7) Expect to have absolutely no peace for about a week. The hospital stay will be jam packed with blood pressure checks, baby checks, floral deliveries, food service, trash service, linen service and family members coming in to see the new arrival. Be patient, it'll be over soon.

8) Once you're home, don't try to schedule your day. Just give yourself one goal at a time. Some days it can be a major accomplishment just to get out with the baby for a trip to the mailbox and back. Just try to relax and enjoy the time to get to know the baby.

Things I wish I had known